Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
