Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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