i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
