so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
