My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
