I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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