oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
