I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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