Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
