Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
