we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
