This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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