how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
