What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
