just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
