my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
