Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
