OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize