just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
