i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
