Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
