why didn't you poke me back
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
