you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
