sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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