I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
