Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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