I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
