i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize