That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
