I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
