I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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