youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
