Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
