cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
