Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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