I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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