I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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