It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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