If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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