Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
