You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
