The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
