Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
