I'm lost and stupid without you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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