the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
our cab driver is having phone sex.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
