When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
