I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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