I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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