dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
