i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
