I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
