This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
