Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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