Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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