so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
