guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
