I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
