chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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