Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
