last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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