420 ftw
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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