I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize