I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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