Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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