I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
