i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
