If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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