I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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