so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
