Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
