I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
