He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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