I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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