I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize