i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
