There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
