Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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