after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
