They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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