big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
