He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
