did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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