He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pooping to opera.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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