I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry about my life...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
